The John Robins Vibemail - Issue #18

Current Mood: Watching Grass Grow

I’m sure I’ve heard complete idiots use the phrase “like watching grass grow” to describe test cricket. And after a campaign of terror waged on my lawn by delinquent blackbirds over the past month I’ve found myself literally watching grass grow. Turns out, not so bad! Which makes those dismissive cricket detractors DOUBLE COMPLETE IDIOTS.

Yes the lawn has been reseeded after it was torn up by the small minority of blackbirds that give the majority of honest, hard-working blackbirds a bad name! According to a gardener they were trying to access larvae of the European Crane Fly AKA ‘Leatherjackets’. Making the blackbird the Mod, and my lawn 1960s Weston-Super-Mare, in this Mods vs Rockers festival of anti-social behaviour.

Well now the Blackbirds have got on their vespas and returned to their suburban life leaving me with the rather peaceful morning routine of checking in on the increasingly green expanse outside of my window with my morning coffee. OH MY GOD A PUSSYCAT JUST JUMPED DOWN OFF THE FENCE AND IT’S IN MY GARDEN! LOOK AT IT! I THINK IT’S A MAINE COON KITTEN OH MY HEART WILL BREAK I CAN’T BEAR IT!

…[some time later]…

Well that was a treat for the soul and no mistake! I do hope there are pussycats (both literal and metaphorical) making brief appearances on the lawn of your life. And if you have had your turf raked up by the gardener of change (literal and metaphorical) that the grass (lit & met) is returning with renewed vigour and a stronger root bed (l&m).

This Vibemail is pretty much a single issue campaign, as most of my major manifesto commitments remain in front of various quangos, think tanks and focus groups before being revealed to the electorate at large. However I can reveal one grandstand announcement that I hope isn’t overshadowed by numerous small-scale scandals going on amongst my junior ministers (I’ve lost the metaphor but bear with).

Members present

United Nations Special Envoy For Content Dr Johnny JR KCVO.

Present!

Edinburgh / Johnny Two Shows

Yes dears, he’s back! After navigating the frankly depressing realities of the modern accommodation scene at the Edinburgh Festival, which included a rather heated discussion with a lettings agent about being offered a months lease on a three bedroom flat for EIGHT THOUSAND POUNDS. I can announce, and provide ticket links to, my no doubt over ambitious Edinburgh Fringe show(s).

On a serious note, The Edinburgh Fringe was set up to provide access to the festival for creative people who weren’t part of established cultural society (ie minted). So it is incredibly distressing to see market forces remain unchecked by the financial gatekeepers who could make a real difference (lettings agents / landlords / Edinburgh University / Edinburgh Council / The Scottish Government). The cost of accommodation has gone up 35% since LAST YEAR. And were this the landscape that little Johnny JR had faced at his first fringe in 2005 then he simply would not have been able to afford to go, let alone spend the next eighteen years getting half decent at his job every August.

I could (but won’t) speak about this for hours and go into punishing detail about the economics of the Edinburgh Fringe. But I feel quite strongly that this might be the last time I can be a part of it in its current state. The Edinburgh Fringe has been the most important, life-changing and creatively inspiring experience in my career. If indeed this is my last appearance for a while, let’s make it an #AbsoluteDoozy.

So strap in for some crucial info…

I am doing two shows. A work in progress at 3.10pm and ‘Howl’ at 8.50pm. They are both at Just The Tonic’s Atomic Venue. This venue is not part of Just The Tonic’s main venue on Cowgate. It is situated just up from The Pleasance Courtyard. The work in progress is in the ‘Sub Atomic’ room and ‘Howl’ is in the ‘Nucleus’ room.

In an ideal world you’ll of course be coming to both shows every day to prepare your dissertations on things like ‘The intersection of genius and wisdom in modern stand-up comedy’ or ‘The screaming man who changed my life with humour’. Or, indeed, to inform the glowing reviews you will no doubt be writing for the broadsheet press / Nobel Prize Committee. However, if you saw last years work in progress then ‘Howl’ is based on that, whereas this years work in progress is BRAND SPANKING NEW / ropey as eff.

Tickets for Howl (8.50pm) are available from

Just The Tonic (£16 + 90p booking fee) https://edinburgh.justthetonic.com/event/88:3287/

Edfringe (£16 + £1.25 booking fee) https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/john-robins-howl

Tickets for the work in progress (3.10pm) are available from

Just The Tonic (£10 + 90p booking fee) https://edinburgh.justthetonic.com/event/88:3315/

Edfringe (£10 + £1.25 booking fee) https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/john-robins-work-in-progress

HOWL UK TOUR 2023

Tickets are beginning to sell out for some of the tour dates for Howl, so grab them here https://www.johnrobins.com/shows/

The Brighton date will be on sale soon and will be on 10th December. You will be the first to know, however the delay is because of building works being signed off, so bear with.

If the venue websites are sold out remember to try the link at the bottom for tickets sold through Ticketmaster. I’ll whack it here actually! (FYI this link also has listings for a few regular circuit shows before the tour where I’m on as part of a mixed bill)

https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/john-robins-tickets/artist/1847608

Made Up Games Live!

There are still tickets for three shows I’m doing with Elis at The Bloomsbury Theatre in a couple of weeks time. This is your chance to say “I was there in the early days! Yes at The Bloomsbury! Before it moved to TV / Got turned down by all the major channels and John’s rant got him sacked from 5Live and cancelled!”. We’re also joined by three guests on each show AND I KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND I’M EXCITED! So click here and join the fun!

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/culture/whats-on/made-games-live-0

Any Other Business

I’m doing a few work in progress shows in London before Edinburgh which I’ll whack up on social media. So do follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Though I sometimes forget Twitter because it’s so ghastly.

For those pining for Bad Golf we do have stuff on its way, but weather, availability and editing stresses are making it very difficult to release videos with anything approaching the regularity we would like. This really is a hobby / labour of love, so don’t be too angry if new videos are a bit sporadic. It really is no fun filming golf in mud and rain / finding out the course has closed at 6am on the day you’d arranged to film.

More regular #Golf #Content can be found in the new series of The Beef’s Golf Club Podcast which is already scooping up awards for superb golf banter.

Elis and I are recording a new series of How Do You Cope? and I’m really looking forward to sharing it with you all.

In spite of what my social media advertising algorithms may assume, I am still sober as a j (judge), and continue to find the stresses and strains of life easier to navigate without the support/devastation of that particular dark magician. Thank you to everyone who got in touch after I spoke briefly about it on an episode of Colin Murray’s Midnight Meets. I’m sure I will talk more about it in future and send strength and hope to anyone going through a similar journey.

I do so hope to see you in August, or if you can’t get there, on tour in the autumn. So, until we meet again on the broad highway, love you bye!