The John Robins Vibemail - Issue #12
Hello fellow travellers! How have the paths and glens treated you since last we spoke? Did you avail yourselves of the view from the high points? Did the horizon greet you with warm regard? Did distant storms hasten your step? Did you make the catastrophic decision to stop at Heston (M4 Westbound) instead of holding out for the far superior Reading Services? I can only guess at your adventures, but fingers crossed they included, at the very least, outlets of the West Cornwall Pasty Co and Chow, as opposed to the hell of a services THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A COSTA DRIVE THROUGH!
Here at Robins HQ it's all change. Various #Personal #Development initiatives including #VibeAdjustment #MindPalaceStrategization and #SynergyOfOutlook are all well underway ahead of the much anticipated launch of Johnny JR Mk17 or, if you're a Mac user, John Robins: Colorado. And I do hope the beta versions of your own upcoming OS releases are all running to schedule and budget.
Now then, enough of this. We have business to attend to! As outlined above there is an IMMINENT DOOZY THREAT, so can I please emphasise how important it is to read all the information below with a fine tooth-comb of the eye, or if you've recently upgraded, an eye-comb.
As Philip Larkin once said "And now Christmas is coming, as if we didn't have enough to put up with". Oh Phil, what a grumpus! But you can't blame him, he didn't have access to superb Elis and John merchandise to cheer him up. And the thought of a digital message from a digital DJ, well, it would have fried his brains.
Luckily times have moved on, and you can access Elis and John merch for the PCD in your life here
"But John!" I hear you cry, "I don't need a Humblebrag Of The Week mug! I need a golfing present for my aged parent / a local OAP!", fear ye not! You can access Bad Golf Puma tops, towels, and a SUPERB pitch mark repairer and ball marker here
And finally, what's more festival than a man sat in front of a shelf of Queen memorabilia wishing your partner Merry Christmas in a bad Mancunian accent? Or a bad Cockney accent? Or even his own accent (neutral, warm). If that floats your boat then head to https://Cameo.com/Johnrobins to put in your request.
In all seriousness, I know Christmas can be a mixed bag. Maybe yours does look like one of those adverts with a dining table far longer than anyone I know has access too. Or maybe, like me, you've gone for the classic bauble-hanging-from-a-camera-tripod chique. But whatever shape your Christmas takes, I would advise doing one thing you really enjoy. Whether it's a solo lash in front of your favourite film, battening down the hatches and flicking the V's at Whamageddon, or simply getting the eff out of dodge and staring at the sea, go ahead and pop it in the diary.
The Year Of The Podcast
At this time of year a lot of people are sharing their Spotify 'unwrapped' stats. And I wanted to say how incredible it is to know so many of you dedicate literally tens of thousands of minutes to listening to me waffle on about various things, including but not limited to Elis' washing machine (5Live), desire/pubs (The Moon Under Water), #Factors (How Do You Cope) and golf (Beef's Golf Club).
If you weren't aware of my frankly baffling podcast output then the sight of me replacing my dining room chair / haemorrhoid cushion combo with an eye-wateringly expensive 'kneeling chair' should leave you in no doubt that I don't half spend a lot of time recording audio from my lounge.
If you're not onboard every #BrandRobins audio train then you can search for them all wherever you get your podcasts. However one note, the 'Week In Pubs' episode of The Moon Under Water isn't available on BBC Sounds. So when you've got your fill of the main episode on the worlds best audio interface, catch up with me and Robin communing with each other elsewhere.
I hope the fact that all of the above is free helps you put up with plugs for things like merch and cameos, but if you want to contribute in any way you can become a patreon for The Moon Under Water here
"Well John. There was talk of an 'imminent doozy threat', and I for one feel distinctly doozy-less. Poor show actually. I'd got my doozy kit ready to go, doozy boots, doozy bivouac, doozy stove, the whole lot!"
WELL HOLD ON TO YOUR D AND LIGHT THE DOOZY STOVE!
JOHN ROBINS: HOWL - LIVE 2023
Yes folks, this old sack of shit is hitting the road! It's mad to think that the last time I toured the face mask was the preserve of operating theatres and nail salons. Time eh?! The show is called 'Howl', and based on the work in progress shows I did in Edinburgh is already shaping up to be #ClassicRobins even if I do say so myself.
Before hitting you with dates and venues there are some important points to note. Please read the following info very carefully as I know how stressed people can get around ticket access / schedules, myself included.
Tickets will go on sale at 10am on Friday 9th December
Tickets will be available both direct from venues and from Ticketmaster
Both the venues and Ticketmaster have an allocation of tickets, if one sells out, it doesn't mean all tickets are sold out. Similarly, you will get different seating options depending on where you're buying from, so check both if you have a specific seating vibe
I'm not doing a pre-sale this time as it's a confusing faff and can mean that those who buy first don't get the best seating options
I will email direct links to this list next Friday at 10am. I will also post them on my website
These tickets will not immediately sell out in an "Elis and John do small number of shows all in f**king London" kind of way. And even if they do, we will simply add more dates
Some venues (Norwich) do not go on sale on Friday at 10am. This is because they have different release schedules. For the TBC dates we're just sorting the finer details but they will be going ahead in these cities so fear not!
BRISTOL (DATE TBC)
DUBLIN (DATE TBC)
BRIGHTON (DATE TBC)
BELFAST (DATE TBC)
LIVERPOOL (DATE TBC)
14th SEPT - Norwich Playhouse (On sale 27th Jan 2023)
15th SEPT - Cambridge Junction
16th SEPT - Basingstoke Haymarket
17th SEPT - Cardiff New Theatre Royal
27th SEPT - Birmingham Town Hall (1st date)
28th SEPT - Winchester Theatre Royal
29th SEPT - Milton Keynes Stables
30th SEPT - Northampton Royal & Derngate
5th OCT - Tunbridge Wells Assembly
6th OCT - Portsmouth New Theatre Royal
9th OCT - Cheltenham Everyman Theatre
10th OCT - Durham Gala Theatre
11th OCT - Harrogate Theatre
13th OCT - Guildford G Live
14th OCT - Southend Palace Theatre
15th OCT - Canterbury Gulbenkian
18th OCT - Leeds City Varieties
20th OCT - Glasgow Pavilion
21st OCT - Newcastle Tyne Theatre and Opera House
23rd OCT - Huddersfield Lawrence Batley Theatre
25th OCT - Barnsley The Civic
26th OCT - Bury St Edmunds The Apex
27th OCT - Reading Concert Hall
28th OCT - Birmingham Town Hall (2nd date)
29th OCT - Leamington Spa, Spa Centre
1st NOV - Stevenage Gordon Craig Theatre
2nd NOV - Horsham Capitol Theatre
3rd NOV - Finchley Arts Depot
4th NOV - Crewe Lyceum
5th NOV - Sheffield Memorial Hall
7th NOV - Exeter Corn Exchange
8th NOV - Bath Komedia
10th NOV - Farnham Maltings
15th NOV - Telford Oakengate
18th NOV - Coventry, Warwick Arts Centre
19th NOV - Nottingham Theatre Royal
22nd NOV - Salford Lowry
24th NOV - St Albans, Alban Arena
1st DEC - London Eventim Apollo
So, until Friday dear friends. I shall come with my bag of URLs to darken your inbox once more. It means a huge deal that there is interest enough in me screaming at myself to do a tour of this size, and I cannot wait to see you all on the road.